It's painful, it hurts and is nothing you can do about it. What makes it even more frustrating, difficult to understand, and impossible to comprehend how someone that you think would always be there, just disappeared forever.
For the first days, you wanna believe that is just a bad dream, and every day you have to wake up remembering that is real. Is the crying when no one is watching, is the simple silly stuff that remembers the person that you lost, or just a hope that was all a lie, and somehow all will be as before.
For me was the anger about how can the world keep moving, if my friend was gone. How people could smile, work, and days go on as if nothing as lost.
Days past and I keep praying that all the pain will go with time, some days it looks like I can go hours without remembering him, but when I remember, all the pain still there.
Is no way I can tell you in this article, or any of the ones you will read, how to deal with the death of your loved ones. I would be lying if I told you is a secret technique. And even if I had a perfect form, each one deals with the pain in a unique way, and you are in a very difficult situation to try to forget, what you just want to remember.
Personally speaking, what gives me strength was, I had to keep going for my kids, and I understood that I was alive for a reason, and if I didn't honor this fact, I was been selfish. My life and my experiences got all another meaning, including everyone that I love, and before I would take them for granted. I call a few and told them to don't dare to die on me.
Now I try to believe that I was wrong, and this is not a case of tomorrow you have another day, or tomorrow is the end of the week finally, that is all subjective because is no guaranty that you will have tomorrow, just a simple joy of being alive now, and living today, now is the only moment that matters.
You can hug the people you love now, tell them how much you care today, and enjoying every moment, every smile, every experience, before is too late.
Remember that the person that you lost, would like for you to enjoy life in the full joy, and for that live better, and greater than never.
It will take time till you stop feeling the sadness, and your smile will be a little less happy, but one day, you will wake up finding that the world keeps going, and you are part of it. You have been giving the chance to live, then do it in the best way, to honor the ones that passed away.
My sincere condolences, and be strong.
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